illuminating darkness
by Chaz01
Summary: We all fall pray to routine. It is not through our vices, but the simple fact that we can only precise a one dimensional reality. We begin to merely function, without a true purpose, falling pray to our own disillusions of what is important. What happens,
1. Default Chapter

Prologe:  
  
Dosclaiormer: I don't own any of the Gundam series. I am merely using it for a little. Please don't sue me, I am so po I can't affords to put the or.  
  
Authors notes: My first fic, go easy on me. Centers on Allenby and a new character, John, from neo Canada. All the names of my characters are English based, sorry I don't know any japans, European, etc. names Here we go. Fist one, so don't flame me, If you don't like it, tell me, but please don't be a jerk. Multiple Ch., hopefully.  
  
I wanted to try to make a totally original character, and see what happens. Here we go...  
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"Tokyo TV channel 7 news" And the annoying news music starts. There are several stories, all bad news. Some kid murdered, rapist still at large etc. Then, comes the interesting part of the broadcast...  
  
" Well, tonight's top story, the whole city is getting ready for the14th annual gundam tournament. As everyone knows, Domon Kashua went on to beat Master Asia of neo-Hong Kon, and won the title. The city looks great doesn't it Jule?"  
  
" Yea, the whole city is really excited..." Blah Blah Blah, then,   
  
" It's never to early for some of these fighters to start winning I guess, Is it Pete?"  
  
" No, that's right, for more on this unusual story, we go to Connie, at the scene."  
  
" Thanks Mark. It may be just a park now, but yesterday, Tokyo park was host to a battle. This battle was a battle of the minds. The 4th annual chess contest was held here yesterday, and the results were surprising, the fighter from neo Canada won. This is a huge blow to the old stereotype that the G fighters are all mindless brutes, who only know how to fight.   
  
"But this fighter fits no description of any previous fighter, ever. He was born in LA, America, to a junke mother, and a father who walked out when he was barley 1. The burden of survival fell on him at a young age. Due to that, he inherited a huge scene of drive, graduating with a PhD in math from college at the age of 17. He published several papers, one of them on the nature of marshal arts, as defined by math. Due to this, he was discovered by neo Canada one year before the tournament. He had wrote the paper, during training with Taoists in north Korea, to try to explain their unique philosophy in mathematical terms.. He agreed to be Canada's fighter, because his master at the Taoist temple, told him to do so. He is renowned as a chess master and considered to be one of the greatest players, currently. No one is really sure what level, or kind, of training he has received from the Taoists, but Canada seems to have enough faith in this mysterious youth to place their nation's fate in his hands."  
  
" Well that is really an interesting mix, isn't it? I We can't wait to see how he does..." More meaningless news dribble...  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
" Ready..."  
  
"Fight..."  
  
The battle commenced, but it was one of the strangest ever. The fighter from neo Canada, simply avoided the attacks, but didn't attack himself. So far all that had been used were energy weapons, coming from Neo Sweden's noble gundam.  
  
" What are you doing?! Are you goin' fight or not ?!"  
  
No reply  
  
" What Kind of a gundam fighter are you?! YOU COWARD!!!"  
  
No reply  
  
" I'll put you out of your misery then..."  
  
This was what he had been waiting for, entire John Keny. He knew if he could get her mad enough, by showing 'weakness', she'd charge him, and she would be off balance enough for him to deliver a crippling blow. He had studied all there fighting techniques intently over the past year, watched ever fight that any of the had, until he could predict their movements. And sure enough...  
  
" And the noble gundam charges, she seems bent on shutting this new fighter down, but what this?! A counter throw!? He just moved to the side and used her energy to throw her!!! I have never seen a move like that. What's this, a gun..."  
  
" Sorry, play time is now over"  
  
Bam. The system to the noble gundam shut down. He had severed the link between the generator and the suit. The whole gundam was rendered useless with just on blow.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"I still don't see how he could have beat you so badly..."  
  
" Shut up Domon!!!"  
  
" I am just saying, the old Allenby would have wasted that guy.... maybe your slipping in your old age."  
  
" You are really asking for it you known that..."  
  
" Come on Domon, leave her alone," This voice belonged to Raine, who Allenby was about ready to kiss for saying that. Domon had been teasing her for at least 20 minutes, on the way she was beaten.  
  
Allenby had grown a lot. She looked about the same, though she had grown an inch or to, and she still had basically the same personality. Deep inside, she had never really gotten over Domon, and had promised herself never to fall in love again. Due to this, and all sorts of new experiences she had over the past 4 years, she had lost a lot of her naivete. This battle, and Domon's words, hurt her. She had trained hard, plained to win all her matches, and face Domin in the final, as an equal. Now that seemed, like her love, an unreachable dream, a flight of fancy.  
  
" I just don't get how you lost..." Domon, though now he was being serious, his tone reflected that. Thud, " ouch, what was that for, Rain?!"  
  
" She doesn't want to talk about it. Leave her alone!!!"  
  
" Geeze, I was just saying..." Thud " What was that for?"  
  
" I know what your 'just saying', Domon, leave it be!!!"  
  
" Fine." Domon said, yielding to Raine, his voice still a bit sarcastic.  
  
" Where are you going, Allenby???" Raine asked.  
  
" I wanna be by myself, think some things threw, you know." At that she ran off. In the background, she could hear ' I hope your happy (Raine)' 'What did I do( Domon)' 'You are clueless, you know that(Raine, angry)' She laughed a bit at this, and then decided to see the fighter who beat her so badly. She thought:  
  
He is probably a jerk, who doesn't know what he's doing. Beginners luck. I challenge him later, and win. I Just wasn't in the mood to fight. He is some big, muscle bound stupid man, who doesn't have a trace of decency. Just some smelly old man...  
  
and on and on, as she walked on to neo Canada's, lodge...  
  
illuminating darkness 


	2. ch2 Misery and futility

Ch2. Misery and futility  
  
Authors notes: Took me some time, sorry. For those who responded, thanks, and keep them coming. This is R for language.   
  
Side note, with spelling and grammar: I am dyslectic, sorry about the errors that no doubt permeate this page. I am trying my best( a bit twoish). And thank you for taking the time to read it.  
  
Let's do it  
  
Disclaimer, Don't own, not mine...  
  
  
= thoughts  
  
____= POV change  
  
That night there was a conference, open to the public, to be held at the University. This conference was being held to discus the dark gundam, it's abilities, and what went wrong. There were several guest speakers, including Dr. Kashu. Every gundam fighter had been issued an invitation, when and where.   
  
John didn't want to go to this, stupid thing. He had wasted nearly 4 years, working on the mathematics, and metaphysics of what had actually happened. And he was sick of it. For his ideas, he had been shun by almost every other mathematician and scientist. He had been called everything, form idiot to anarchist. What was worse, he was wrong. He had found it a year ago, a fundamental flaw in his equation. And that was why he had been left. He had lost his faith, completely, in himself. When Canada offered him this, he would have said no. People are such a waste of time and energy, and it is all so pointless, death is all that there truly is, so why bother with life? But the man he was training under, had told him to go, and he had obeyed. He did it not out of respect or admiration, not cause he had something to prove, not cause he had wanted to, but because it was the corse of least resistance. 'If I have to live, I may as well make it as painless as possible.'  
  
That was the main reason he was going to the conference, there was no point in arguing with them. He didn't look forward to seeing his former peers, or hearing their dribble. He was going top sit in the back, not talk to anyone, and leave. This was his plain.   
  
John leaned back and looked around. He sat on a bench, in the middle of a shopping district in Tokyo. He was there cause the meaningless noise that a crowd produced, the thousands of irreconcilable realities, each with it's own value system, relaxed him. He thought it strange, to take comfort in that which he hated so. But his life was a paradox, and this seemed a perfectly natural addition. He had the look of a lost child on his face. But it was his eyes that stood out the most, they seemed to be to gaping wounds, oozing with contamination. A closer look would have shown the dying sparks of a once great fire, the last cry, of a long forgotten soul. He stood about 6'1, though was very very thing. He was a professor, and he looked the part, accept for his dress. He had no glasses, tones of messy, greasy, blond hair, jetting out in all directions. He wore flannel pj paints, and a black shirt with white words, reading, ' human file is suffering' Voltaire'. He had on flip flops, and looked more like a druggy, then a champion of a country. The spaced out look in his eyes only added to this.  
  
He came back to his fight today, with Sweden. He had been lucky, they hadn't used the berserk system on her. He was accurately able to predict her moves, mathematically, through probabilities. The joy and wonder of life had long left this man, and in it's place, came probability equations, and meaningless laws. He no longer saw the beauty in things, all that was left was the math. In any case, I won, that one down, 11 to go, he thought, without any hint of pride or wonder, or joy, or arrogance.  
  
He got up and walked to the conference hall. The sun was setting and the hall was already packed. He looked down and saw VIP fighter seats. His was next to Sweden...  
  
fucking wonderful, I don't want to deal with this.... look at her, she is bouncing off the fucking walls. God give me the ability to deal with this. Jeez, you mother fuckers have a sick sense of humor, know that?  
  
At that he moved for his seat. When he arrived, the gaurd checked his card several times, he even had his superior check it. John tolerated this, though it was annoying. Finally he was given the all clear, and resumed his corse, for his seat. He reached his seat  
  
" Could you allow me in?"  
  
" Who are you???" This came from a man in a red cape, to this man's left he saw Raine, his old friends daughter. She was fixed on the stage, and hadn't scene him. The man's voice reflected an strength, that bordered on arrogance.  
  
" I would like to sit down, please alloy me to pass."  
  
" Look, no offence, but this is the fighter section, I think your confused."  
  
John rolled his eyes, and debated weather or not to pull out his gun and shoot his guy, but he decided not to, things would get messy if he did. " I am a representative of Neo Canada, and their fighter, respectively. I would please repeat my previous two requests, sir."  
  
" What?!" This was a cry of confusion, coming from neo sweden, as if she had been pre programed to responded to the words Canada. John was obviously not what she expected.  
  
" You the guy... HAHHAHAHAHAH... You got beat by a weirdo Allenby, sucks for you."  
  
" Domon!!! Dr. Chic, sorry, I didn't see you, how are you!! It is great, come here, let me give you a huge." Raine's mood had changed, instantly, from angry, to almost joyous to see her fathers old friend. He had always been that nutty uncle everyone seems to have, the on who always has an overly priced gift.  
  
" Sorry, Ms. Mekamora, I pass on hugs. It is nice to see you to, you have grown, although that is apparent."  
  
They immediately got up and let him through, he sat down, and spaced out completely, seeming to no longer be in this world.  
  
___________________________________________________________________________  
POV Allenby:  
  
She couldn't believe it, she just couldn't believe it. This was the guy who had beat her God, he is a space case, and on top of that, he looks so...weak, man, I would think I could break this guy in two, one handed She glanced at him, but he didn't seem to notice, he was out of it. He struck her as a deranged old hippy relic, and she half expected him to say groovy, or something.  
  
Well, might as well make the most of it, I have been looking for him all day. It was a good idea to switch his sign with Gorge " Hello, what's up, we haven't been introduced, I am Allenby, the fighter you fought yesterday." She said this in her normal, cheerful, happy, mood.  
  
" You mean today, it is not yet 12:00 AM, so it is still today, not tomorrow." He said this stoicly, without bothering to look at her. He really didn't seem to care.  
  
" Of corse, sorry, I am so dumb some times..." She playfully hit her head with her fist. It was a pose that any normal person would have instantly thought to be so cute and even provoking. John didn't seem to notice.  
  
" I won't argue with you, if you say your dumb fine." This was either a poor attempt at humor, or an insult. In any case, his voice remained as cold as ice.  
  
What do you say to that???? God, even the scientists usually react when I do that dumb thing, that got me out of a few meetings, but he... what is up with him? After several seconds, " So... what did you say your name was, again?"  
  
" I didn't, but because you care, it is John, John Chic." same tone and expression.  
  
" Okay.. So Why are you hear John."  
  
" I do as I am told."  
  
" Well, that can be bad" I speak from experience  
  
" No, if I simply obey, then I am not responsible for my actions. Besides, life is easer that way, less variables."  
  
" Yea, but what about Verity? Nothing venture nothing gain, ya know?"   
  
" If you live in a vacuum, nothing can hurt, or help you, but there is no sin. The less I do, the less I do wrong, or incorrectly. Simple."  
  
" Surely there is more to life then..." He moved his head, for the first time, shacking it back and forth. " Well, then whats the point of life?" She asked, not sweetly, or under the pretense of shooting the shit, but cause she wanted to know. This was the most serious she had ever been in public  
  
" It ends, there is no point but that, it ends." At that he turned in his seat so his back was more to her, she got the message, though. 


	3. Abandon hope

"Abandon hope, all ye who enter who" Dante  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own, not mine  
  
Notes: I am sorry for spelling and grammar, I suck at them both, I am really sorry. If anyone would be willing to proof read this first, I would be forever grateful.. Anyways, any comments, even flames, still appreciated. Here we go. Sorry this took so long, been doing stuff...  
  
thought  
  
_________pov change  
  
The meeting proceeded, uninterrupted. Chic sat there, completely apathetic to what was said. He had devoted the past 4 years of his life to understanding precisely what had happened, and was sick of it. He glanced around the room. It was an auditorium, nicely made, with huge pillars and nice, red chairs. The dying orange light fell through the windows and seemed almost magical, giving an almost fiery glow to the floor, bringing out rare qualities only scene at this time of day . Chic noted the angle, not the magic. His glance continued upward, and he saw the mural on the ceiling. It was the epic scene from 'paradise lost', when satin feel from heaven, a failure. Chic thought, can I relate to that, bro. Tell me something, be friend or enemy, I care not, was thinking for yourself worth it?.   
  
His gaze left the ceiling mural, and observed the shadows and light, the delict interplay that both were involved with. They fought each other, seemingly locked in a mortal combat, yet without the one, the other couldn't be, so there seemed an uneasy truce between the two. He noted the ornamental roses, carved on the pillars. He only saw angles and intersections. His glance feel on the audience. The majority of them students, taking notes furiously. The public listened intently. Raine and that Domon fellow, seemed more content to play footcy, then pay any attention. His glance then, feel on her.  
  
She had left him alone, as he had wished, and yet, something bothered him. There was something, something about her, an echo from a distant time. Something far to powerful to be lost. A ghost from a time of perpetual light, and happiness. A dream of his former humanity. Something, something he needed to remember....  
  
He shook his head, expelling these demons. She will die, she will age, she will cause pain. I have only myself to rely on. I will have no more of this waste of time and resource. Life is meaningless, but I'll make it go smoothly. he thought, trying disparity to convince himself of this. Yet there was still something about her.  
  
She glanced his way, and his eyes shot back to the stage. Dr. Kashu was up, discussing the project, the reasons it had gone wrong. He still had that authority he used to speak with. The words he spoke, held no meaning though. None of it did, after all.   
  
_________________________________________Allenby  
  
She just couldn't figure that guy out. He seemed so, so hurt, like he was running away from pain, to scared to accept more. She had been quite for the past 45 minutes, possible the longest she had ever been silent, thinking. What did that mean, it ends? What kind of answer is that? Is he right? Does it just end?  
  
The last possibility she tried to avoid. She had been paying attention, more and more, mostly to keep her mind off that. She had noticed, out of the back of her eye, that he was looking around, almost searching for something. A sign he existed, perhaps. Maybe he is simply into buildings she thought, though she knew this wasn't true. His eyes then fell on her, though she felt something different. Before it had been stone cold and analytical, like how people treat math, but when he looked at her, there seemed something... lighter, trying to come through. It was like the clouds of a storm breaking, to reveal a blazing sun. She looked and he had immediately he looked to the stage God, is he like 4, looking, and then trying to hide it... well  
  
Then a thought struck her. It was her more mischievous side, wondering, what if. She decided to see what would happen if...  
  
" This is so boring, can you explain some of it to me?" She knew exactly what they were saying, she had been raised by scientist. The question wasn't important, though, it was her tone. She knew exactly how it sounded, dripping with sweetness and want, practically cooing.  
  
His eyes remained fix, though there seemed to be a slight spasm in his eye. He was obviously not accustomed to being spoken to in such a tone. After several seconds, he was about to respond when...  
  
" Dr. Chic would know more about that then I, Dr, would you care to?"  
  
" That is not my name." He said this, still slouched, and with a hint of defiance. He spoke stoicly, though carefully. " I have rejected that title, and all that that implies." After a second. " Call me John if what an answer."  
  
" Well, then John," He spoke in the most professional like manor possible, " Humor us, would you."  
  
" It is difficult to answer, when one knows not the question." Same tone, like a computer.  
  
" Young man," An animated gesture on the Dr. Kashu's part, " Please repeat."  
  
" Well, I am a major of philosophy," Said the pimply faced student. He was rather fat, and wore nice, new cloths. " I was just wondering, why did Dr. Chic, or the respected John, withdraw the 'Unified Energy of all physical objects and it's relation to man' Theory."  
  
" That is hardly a question for this conference, young man. Do yourself a favor, and don't ask. Don't read it, and what you have read, forget." Something happened as he spoke. It was a subtle change, that only Allenby noticed. He Spoke with more passion and fire, then before. Also his eyes flared up slightly, and his left eye quivered again.  
  
" I beg to differ, Dr.. I mean John, did you not use this incident to draw most of the data you used?" Dr. Kashu said this.  
  
He was getting more angry. The stone cold and emotionless was replaced by a man, filled with hatred. Only Allenby was close enough to see it, but the once dead embers in his eyes, flamed to life. She thought, somewhere in the back of her mind If anger, maybe other things too...   
  
He hit his armrest, hard enough to show anger, but controlled enough not to draw many people's eyes. " The theory is the ranting of a lunatic, it isn't worth repeating, here or anywhere. What I did," with pain, " What I failed to do, must be allowed to rest in peace."  
  
" Please, for the sack of knowledge, tell us." Siad the student.  
  
" Why, so you can desperately try to force your reason on the universe. So you can force it to conform to you standards. Do you have any idea how arrogant that is?! We think we can conquer the universe when, we can't even prove that we exists. I have lost faith in the god of religion, a metaphysical being of vast power. I have lost faith in the god of science, the ability of the human race to reason out the universe. To go any further is a waste of my life."  
  
The room was in silence. So much so that if a pin was dropped, it would have been heard. Aleenby noticed how tightly her clenched his fist, behind his back. What is up with him???  
  
After a moment, " John, if not for that sake then, to pay your debt. I lent you money for a coke, last time we meant, and I demand my payment now." Dr. Kashu said.  
  
" I... I coincide to a superior intellect." He said, a bit of a smirk on his face. " Fuck this shit, I am never coming to one of these again" He said, under his breath. He got up, though, and headed for the stage. For the first time, Allenby noticed something about his physical appearance. He was not the stunning masculinity idea, that she had grown accustom to seeing, but, there was still a quality of handsomeness, and he walked in a manor that reflected true strength, even if broken. He was reminisced of a french revolutionary, being lead to his death, only to cry out ' viva la revolution.'  
  
He arrived at the front and gave a 30 minute explanation of what he had said, in his former theory. He insisted on using the word, former, whenever he spoke of the theory. He sighted specific examples, off the sensors on Japan's colony. He used it to explain several huge discrepancies with modern science and actuality. His specking reflected his devotion to the subject. He had exact values, down to .0001 committed to memory. He knew the precise seconds of events. He wrote a huge equation, then simplified it to a very neat form. And he lost almost everyone.  
  
" So, what your saying is... human thought and feeling directly affects reality." Dr Kashu said, carefully.  
  
" Is it so far fetched an idea? How many sick have been cured, how many 'maricals'" He said this word with a hint of distaste, like he didn't like the flavor, " Have been worked, based off human's will? Lao- Tzu, Buddha, Emerson, basically all the exsistenchalists, have reasoned that our ideas directly affect our reality. Feather more, Newton, Ensitne, Lavarse, tells us that everything is made of given quantities that can't be created or destroyed, and that they are all basically energy. Next comes the ideas of Minoski, know better for perpultion, he thought that all things had a commonality, what Eienstein called a 'unified field.' My fomor idea said, it stands to reason that, if we're all basically the same, and all have a certain common bond, what is stopping me from changing my surroundings, with my thoughts? Nothing. Take a look.... Could I please have time index 2:22:1257, on the screen please?" A picture came up, it was of the colony, it was the epic moment when Domon confessed his love. To the right, were sensor readings, of the particular, energy, density, etc. " Play, please. Watch the quantum energy scale, and the air pressure scale."  
  
The picture played, and they all saw it. A drop in air presser, and a rise in energy, at the moment of the confession. Aleenby looked on in awe, not so much of the idea, as the man. He seemed transformed, he was on fire. He seemed to spew energy from every pour. It was such a contrast to what he was like, a moment ago. It was like someone had turned back the clock, and she stood before him, when he was young.  
  
" What the fuck happened there???" A few sinkers, " A change in matter, were did the activation energy come for? Where is the nuclear reaction, the only thing we know of that can convert matter to energy? The answer, I thought, was human will and another thing. Philosophers, theists, Scientists, and even Mathmatitions, have hinted at a force. A universal constant. This was my attempt to prove this force, the Tao, as Lao Tzu called it, was best brought out by...love." A murmur of voices Proving love, through math, can he do that???  
  
Then, as quickly as his new energy had arrived, it left. " Of corse, these are flights of fancy, notions of fool hearted poetry. That's the flaw, our fate, dear people, lies not in our stars, but in ourselves, that we are but humans. It doesn't work."  
  
" How so?" Dr. Kashu asked, and a murmur of agreement rose from the audience.   
  
" It is a long story. Basically, it violates one crucial law of math, or more accurately, chaos." At that, he jumped down, and walked coldly away. Everyone was silent for a moment after he left, and everyone was wondering, what he meant. Allenby had something else on her mind, what had happened to the man, not the idea. 


End file.
